EVER WONDER .....

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you never see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!


I thought some of these were really funny. Do you guys have any?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?



I can!

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

The sun lightens out hair, but darkens our skin because of the UV rays.
Rush hour is called that becuase it is when the most cars are on the road.
Noah could not of killed those two mosquitoes becuase that was just made up.

hehe i got that email

Noah could not of killed those two mosquitoes becuase that was just made up.

^^ thats a matter of oppinion, and i cant put mascara on with my mouth closed either lol :dead:

Noah could not of killed those two mosquitoes becuase that was just made up.

but, not as much as you do :bow:

EVER WONDER .....


Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you never see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!



i know i always wondered that! ha lol

but, not as much as you do :bow:

what does that mean?

Here's so great one-liners:

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
6. Never answer an anonymous letter.
7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
9. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
10. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
11. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
20. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
21. Nuke the Whales.
22. Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
26. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
27. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
30. You can't have everything; where would you put it?
31. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
32. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
33. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
34. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
35. DNA: National Dyslexic Association.
36. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
37. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
39. DARE to keep cops off donuts.
40. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
41. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42. Dyslexics of the world, untie!
43. God made mankind. Sin made him evil.
44. I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
45. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
46. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
47. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
48. National Atheist's Day April 1st.
49. All generalizations are false.
50. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
51. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
52. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
53. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
54. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
55. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
56. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
57. I can handle pain until it hurts.
58. No matter where you go, you're there.
59. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
60. It's been Monday all week.
61. Gravity always gets me down.
62. This statement is false.
63. Eschew obfuscation.
64. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.

Here's some more that wouldn't fit...

65. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
66. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
67. The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
68. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
70. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
71. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
73. A day without sunshine is like, night.
74. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
75. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
76. Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
77. Life is too complicated in the morning.
78. We are all part of the ultimate statistic—ten out of ten die.
79. Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
80. Ask me about my vow of silence.
81. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
82. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
83. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
84. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
85. If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
87. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
88. I intend to live forever. So far so good.
89. Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?
90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
92. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
93. I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
94. I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
95. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
96. Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."
97. Evolution: True science fiction.
98. What's another word for Thesaurus?
99. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

my fav:

68. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
73. A day without sunshine is like, night.
86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
89. Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?
90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
6. Never answer an anonymous letter.
7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
16. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
22. Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
30. You can't have everything; where would you put it?
38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

haha lovely :) i don't have some myself ... sorry

Love,
Mirna

90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

this one makes me wonder....hmmm..

These are my favorites:

34. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
35. DNA: National Dyslexic Association.
63. Eschew obfuscation.
64. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
65. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
66. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
67. The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
68. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
93. I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
94. I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.

I asked people a few times the question "did yo know gullible isn't in the dictionary?"

Some were like, "Really?"

And others looked at me like I was crazy :-)

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour:
61,000

Some people who read this might have tried licking their elbow.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.


Not true... I can lick my elbow.

you ever seen on one of those late shows, they had kids on there and they had a contest on who could lick the peanut butter off their elbow the fastest?

Some people who read this might have tried licking their elbow.

I have

91. Why are apartments called apartments when they are always close together?
92. How do you know when you have run out of invisible ink?
93. Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills?
94. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
95. If you have an open mind is there a chance your brain might fall out?
96. Why does X stand for kiss and O stand for hugs?
97. When companies ship Styrofoam what do they pack it in?
98. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
99. Why do they report power outages on TV?
100. Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo?