I never realized Lissa had a writer's forum, I wrote MANY poems, and I'll post some on here. These are copywritten by me, please NO flaming,jocking,biting etc. If you do post this on your profile,signature,xanga or would like to send it to someone else, contact me and provide FULL CREDITS.

"Seventeen"
a poem by Nhu Duong

A young couple barely at age
virgin minds and hearts
love for one another
is where it all starts

they were pressured youths
but that didn't change a thing
their love was pure innocence as an angel
that had just recieved its wings

they cared for each other dearly
loving each other by heart and soul
had known each other since birth,
watching each other grow

it was 8th grade graduation
when he asked her to be his
of course she said yes
as they kissed each others lips

they treated each other lovingly
not once did they fight, "thinking of you always"
as he would say to her "goodnight"

soon came senior year as everygirl got ready for prom
doing their hair,nails and make-up looking precious from neck to arm
of course he was her date as they walked through the entrance doors
finding their senior class having a great time on the dance floor

dance after dance , she was crowned prom queen
he took her arms in his as they danced their romantic scene
leading to the after party is where they had too much to drink
closing the hotel room door behind them, they didn't seem to think
the darkness proceeded as they shared their intimate night
waking to the sunrise, knowing something wasn't right

two weeks later she found herself pregnant with his baby
praying to God " Please Please help me"

as they confronted each other's parents, 3 months later on her 17th birthday eve
her parents could only question " How could you decieve "
her family was disapointed,she was feeling faint her head was spinning,she almost fell
as they told the news to his parents who didn't take it very well

they packed up their things and bid their families goodbye
they left to their new life knowing they'll have to try
every night was painful, she could only cry, seventeen, in love but still hurting inside
she'd cry herself a river with her fiancee asking why, only to an answer " I love you " in a tearful sigh

two years had passed it was their son's happy birthday
"Happy Birthday" they all would say, they celebrated with
friends who supported them all along, married for 1 year, still going strong
that night she whispered into his ear, things she said, he always dreamed to hear
"I've never been happier and everything is perfect for me and you"
as she continued to tell her love story between the two,
"everything is wonderful, peachy fuzzy keen, i'll never ever forget the year when we were seventeen"

comment me :]

i think its very good, long-but in fairness my concentration is rubbish anyways :) . it must have taken a while to put things in the right place. well, it is very effective

I think if you shortened it a bit or break down the poem into organized lines people will take it in more, reading long paragraph looking things gets overwhelming yet if you read a long poem with little parts people will read it. I dunno about fixing anything in the poem, to admit I didn't even read it because it was so entirely long lol


[edit]
ok now i read it, the poem is ok....but it sounds like one of those chain letters (i'm not implying that it is, it SOUNDS like one) I dunno these teen-pregnancy poem things don't cut it for me :/ It's really like a cookie-cutter kinda thing, it always starts with two friends who are a guy and girl, they make one big mistake, the girl is pregnant. lol

How about having like a more feeling poem than a story poem?

Wow, this is beautiful.
You broke the stanzas up well.
Nice wording.
It seems like it get's lenghty with it's verses though.
Maybe cut the lines and make the stanza longer.
I myself thought it was a wonderful write.
I prefer long poems,
as I can't write very good short ones.
AH! Now you got me wanting to post my poetry!
Keep up your work!
I hope to hear more form you.



~Loner