ok, im pretty sure this is about style sheets. on my site i want the links to be like the ones on ww.notkaties.com, so can anyone tell me how to get me links to get the higlighted bit around hte edge when i click them???

The links are images, not text. The .notkaties site uses Macromedia Dreamweaver's image rollover behaviour (the yucky-looking javascript at the top) to create the effect.

To do a similar effect on your own site, you could use a similar javascript rollover effect or use CSS (which would give you extra coolness-credits ;))

Just as a little push in the right direction: it is recommend to use unordered lists (<ul>) for navigation menus... and then apply lots of CSS until the menu looks perfect :)